ruri hiii🥹🥹 basically. i’ve been thinking about stuff over the last Week or so since i’ve spent most of my time bedridden. (just under a week?? i think??) aaand i wanted to tell u about it all now that i have the words to actually convey everything because i feel it’s important to be open about Everything this time, as i’ve promised. even if it is scary as Hell doing so.🙃
i mentioned to u not long ago about my whole thing about getting attached and anxious with people and how it’s happened to you in the past before, Right ?? Well !🥲🥲 just as i was feeling glad that it didn’t seem to be going that way this time, my brain had other plans </3 it hasn’t happened in a while and i figured maybe my little coping mechanisms and medication had started to help me but. somehow the thoughts and feelings have come back Very unexpectedly strong and it is nooot fun. at all. (i’ve started a new anxiety medication during the past week so maybe that could be why?? these things tend to get worse within the first few weeks of starting a new medication i’ve noticed. but i don’t Know.)
i’ve essentially noticed myself going back to my old habits of being a bit too obsessive over things, checking up on your accounts & other things accessible and overthinking so much about things that most Definitely aren’t happening and won’t happen, and i know in times like this it Is a lot easier for myself and the person those thoughts are directed to if i distance myself a bit?? even if that’s not what i truly want.
sometimes those feelings turn into resentment or bitterness u see, and i don’t want that to happen with you or ruin things Again.☹️ weird thing is last time it happened it was because of koko. and there’s literally Nothing this time that usually triggers me so??☹️☹️i suppose the fact that i Still haven’t managed to make any other friends therefore i don’t have any other people to around myself with and talk to could be impacting it too (that, and the huuuge time zone difference between us..) but, again, i don’t Know☹️
so i think until i get a grip of myself again it would be best if i sort of just. stepped back a bit, to prevent anything i don’t want from happening. :’) but its Nothing to do with you or anything you’ve done / said, just to get it out there !! this is all on me and my brain. so dont think otherwise🥹🫂 if anything you’ve done the opposite and given me all the reassurance and comfort i need, so thank you 
my avoidant side has been acting up lately too which is adding to this i think. looots of conflicting thoughts with the two sides of my brain. i may still come on here to say hi though if i ever feel okay enough to do so, Ok? ^_^ i don’t want to throw everything away like i did in the past because of this so i thought it was really important to let you know!!!🩷🩷 i’ll still be thinking about u all of the time though, even if i’m not directly here. sending u tons of love and hugs ++ i’m Very sorry to dump this onto you so suddenly🥲🥲 (also because ur twt location says you’ll be away for a while…. sorry sorry sorry 4 doing this now🥹🥹🫂)
hii 🥹🥹 !!! u don't have promise anything first of all ueueue ^_^ i do understand it's a scary thing to be open about these kind of stuff, so i want u to take all the time u need with it 🫂🩷 but it really Does make me happy to see u opening up more slowly 🥹 it means the world to me knowing that it's something that you're slowly becoming more comfortable with doing. being able to understand everything more eases my heart, and i hope that i can do much more 🫂🩷 you are seen & you won't have to be alone in this, as long as i'm here. please don't ever feel sorry for the suddenness of this either !! ☹️ i understand these things come up unexpectedly & if it's space you need them i will gladly give you that until you feel that it's better !! 🫂 i'm so sorry the thoughts came back ☹️ if anything ever happens, just know that i'll still be here no matter what, and i'm glad i was able to give you the assurance u needed too!! please know that i will still be thinking of you always!!! I know that these thoughts can be unbearable, so please let me know if there's anything else that i can do for u ! 🩷 whether is reassurance or just wanting to check in, or anything at all 
i will be here for u all the way & i'm always one atabook submission away if u ever need anything ^___^ (in addition, my dms will also be open for a while just incase! :3)
please take all the time you need to be away, ok? ❤︎ i will very gladly always welcome you back once you do 🥹🥹 your mental health matters so so much to me & i don't want you feeling like this at all, so please do whatever is necessary for ease these thoughts, even if it's having to step back a little. 🫂 i don't mind it at all & i'm more glad that you're doing what u need to !!!! i will wait for as long as i have to & you'll still always be on my mind. yup. still my spiritoomf. 4eva 🦭🦦
(ps: don't worry abt my twt loc :'DD i'm okay & it's just some small thing that came up But i'll be pushing that aside for uuuu 🫂🫂 i'm rlly glad u're put urself first!! i'll also continue to send u some posts time by time if it's ok with u ^__^ u don't have to reply to them or view them immediately or altogether!! 🫶🏼 it's be this way for me to show that im still thinking of uuu!!)
https://x.com/i/status/2009987663395512588
https://x.com/i/status/1997430293524025352 ❤︎❤︎
hi hi hi ruri
i just wanted to let you know instead of just potentially disappearing randomly and leaving u confused. i’m basically Not going to be online very much for the time being because something has happened health wise and i’ll be spending most of my time in hospital, and outside of that i’ll be mostly resting or sleeping. and there’s usually very bad wifi in here anyways so. Yeahh🙃 (also my mental state has for some reason been really bad for the last week so. i don’t really Want to nor do i have the energy to be online lately anyways🥲🥲) (however one positive to all of this is that i’m in talks of being given a proper high quality wheelchair through the NHS to replace my current old one that doesn’t work properly or give me the right support so?? yay??) but but!! i wanted to make sure i found time to mention it to you this time just so you didn’t think i was ignoring you <3
even when i’m not here i’ll be thinking about you and wishing you the best, Ok?? Ok!!🩷🩷 (i’m bringing ruriseal with me to the hospital so you’ll technically still be with me ^_^) and if i do ever get the chance or have the energy i’ll send you a little check in message..🥹🫂🫂
(also also!! the post u sent on my atabook yes.. that IS us…❗️❗️😊😊 rurifai in the reals 
)
++ to end this on something a bit more happy :3 recently i’ve been getting into decorating toploaders for my pokémon cards and i finished these two eevee ones yesterday hehehe (∩´͈ ᐜ `͈∩) https://i.postimg.cc/15KM0DyQ/IMG.jpg i want to work on oshawott and spheal ones next because. otter and seal. us❗️❗️🩷
HII 🥹🥹 im so sorry i didn't see this earlierrr<\3 but pls don't worry about me at all!! ^__^ i completely understand & will give u all the time you need to recover. you can come back here at any time, please prioritize yourself first! 🩷🩷 i'll wait until things are better & when you're mentally better to come back here. i'll still always be thinking of you 🫂🫶🏼 i'll be wishing you aaaallll the best as well 🥹!!!!! i'm hoping for a quick recovery, but please take all the time u need! ruriseal will be with you all the way (yes i am actually there with you. in spirit!!!!) also OH MY GODDDD 🥹🥹⁉️⁉️⁉️ those are so prettyyyyyy .... if ever you finish working on them plspls show me,,, that's us.. me and spiritoomf if we were pokemons 🦭🦦
++ even if i were to notice any late replies, i'll understand !! 🫶🏼 i didn't think you were ignoring me at all eitherrr ueueu ^__^ i'm wishing you all the very best for you & a quick recovery, both physically & mentally. i'll be thinking of you & will keep on hoping for just that 🦦🩷
SToRY 😭😭🩷🩷🩷 no I get u So bad. the more rock-leaning genre of the song is SO goooood. (also. https://64.media.tumblr.com/3084b34f8eed9a36bde448d49f4c8e9b/a61d30ddec29ae00-fc/s1280x1920/b656962bd5eb396e7d5e011b1edde2036525dd76.jpg these are my top songs for this year. my top 5 were all repeated for over a thousand times each. and Both of ritsu's solos oh my god 😭😭😭😭😭😭)
i hope you know that i would've killed to have adonis in such a cutesy concept btw. we could've had it all..!!!! 😊😊💔💔 bless Most of our favs for surviving and Fuck happyele for even putting that abomination of a song in the ny campaign
i hope i can continue to help you in such a way 🫂🫂 knowing I was able to do that makes me feel so happy 
(( 🩷🩷 you really really do deserve everything and even so much more. i hope that i can help make this new year a better one for you in some way 🫶🏼 i don't want to let any of those issues make you feel like its existence defines your worth in making genuine connections. you deserve so much just as anyone else, and i'll make sure you know that. 🫂🩷🦭
also UEUEEUEU tiny kuma richu!!!!!!!!! ☹️☹️🫶🏼🫶🏼 so cute i could tear up ☹️
i immediately went to listen to nazuna's cover the moment u mentioned it..UEUEUEUE I LOVE HIS COVER TOO awwwh my goshdjueaa🥹🥹🩷🩷 I think he looks Too cute to be in such an outfit but i like it.!!!! silly silly indeed 😊 did u know i've been looping Both ritsu and kaoru's covers alternatively lately. guuhhhhhhuehehf
i mean everything i said ok!!!!!!!! i hope you don't have to doubt anything with me either 🫂🩷!!! i'll do everything to make you feel as comfortable as u can around me 🥹 and i'll make sure you always know that no matter what happens i won't ever be going anywhere. you'll always have my love & support no matter where you are ^__^
hearing that makes me so, so happy I hope u know that ☹️☹️🩷🩷🩷🩷 no one has ever made me feel like Wow someone actually cares about me to such an extend to the point of . want nothing but to make me feel comfortable around them, offering to be this safe space where you can let my guard down with zero worries. no one else has Ever done that to me. just when i thought it would be impossible for me to find someone who could..🥹👋🏼 you'll always, aaaalways have all my support through everything, no matter what. i don't think i've ever trusted myself(?) with anyone this much. really, thank you so much for everything ☹️☹️ you will always have someone out there cheering for you, thinking about you, & remembering you through even the smallest things, as long as i'm here ❤︎🫶🏼